CHRIST THE COURAGEOUS

Philovanitas didn’t want a spiritual life

  Where she had to follow lots of rules,

For her the Church was run by men

  Who were really a bunch of old fools;

A free life where she could decide

  Was her idea of sensible fun,

So she steered her ship into enticing seas

  While soaking up some sun;

But the evil one launched a surprise attack

  And thunder she started to hear,

A tempest rushed in with frantic fingers

  And tried to strangle her with fear;

Like demonic fireworks, lightning exploded

  Fanatically all across the sky,

And murderous rain came down like daggers,

  So it was impossible for her to stay dry.

Philovanitas was trapped like a captive

  At sea in a savage Storm of Deception,

She spun her ship around in the wild, wicked

  Wind and lost all sense of direction;

She was engulfed by the tangled, twisted

  Waves of venomous and violent temptation,

And so she paid the ultimate price

  For her silly pursuit of sensation;

She stood aghast in terror as the breakers

  Blasted against her vessel,

And her formidable foe was far too strong

  For her to ever even attempt to wrestle;

She said, “Oh, dear Lord Jesus, please please

  Rescue me from this frightfully horrid place,

I’m sincerely sorry for my sins and want

  Nothing more but to see your sweet face!”

She turned around and before her stood

  One whose robe was most dazzlingly white,

On His head was a glistening gold crown,

  Set with gemstones radiant and bright;

With love He compassionately caressed her

  With his wonderfully warm brown eyes,

And his mild, merciful smile rescued

  Her heart and made her spirits arise;

Then He looked up, thrust His arms into the air

  And commanded the storm to be still,

The tempest immediately retreated

  And was obedient to His holy will;

Back fled the thunderclouds, back fled

  The lightning bolts, to the dark abyss of hell,

The sun now shone cheerfully, the sea now

  Splashed gleefully, and all was well.

At this the evil one foamed at the mouth

  Like the monstrous madman Othello,

He wanted revenge and he wanted it now

  So he vehemently started to bellow;

In a gruesomely gravelly voice he raged,

  “All hands on deck! Attack! Attack!”

And as the pirate demons sped by,

  He gave each one a menacing whack;

The pirate demons loaded up their weapons,

  For the spiritual blitzkrieg was on,

Time was of the essence, otherwise

  Their opportunity might be all gone;

They boarded their ghastly ghost ships

  Like a swarming plague of flies,

They fanatically followed their emperor,

  And he be the Father of Lies.

Soon the ghost galleons’ powerful armada

  Half-surrounded Philovanitas’ ship,

The evil one stood up like a hunchback

  And was ready to crackle his whip;

Impatiently pacing, back and forth,

  He was like a lion that was ready to devour,

But when he saw the handsome Holy One,

  His attitude really turned sour;

With a slobbering spit of hot yellow sulphur,

  The evil one gave his sign,

And the pirate demons loaded their weapons

  While drinking some stale wart-hog wine;

The great Battle for Philovanitas’ Soul

  Was almost ready to commence,

And for the angelic crowd in the clouds,

  There was certainly growing suspense.

The Father most kind and gentle humbly

  Sent down the sweet Spirit of love,

Carrying a sword from the celestial heights,

  The Spirit was shaped like a dove;

He shot down from Heaven like a sunbeam

  Through a sky that was stunningly blue,

And He delivered the sword to Jesus,

  The Lord who makes all things new;

With a hilt of gold and a blade of steel

  The sword was razor-sharp,

And when Christ the Courageous swung it round,

  It sounded like a melodious harp;

Swinging the Sword of the Spirit was

  Something for which Jesus had a knack,

So He turned around, got in the ready position,

  And waited for the enemy to attack.

With that the devil’s hateful, hellish heart

  Burned like Halley’s Comet,

So he gave the signal to attack

  And sulphurous lava he began to vomit;

The demon archers with cryptic crossbows

  Shot electric arrows into the air,

The arrows buzzed like a swarm of sparkling

  Bees as they targeted Philovanitas’ hair;

But Jesus exhibited tremendous athleticism

  And certainly He frustrated His foe,

With His sword He deflected the electroarrows

  And they fizzed into the sea below;

The devil saw that the arrows were useless

  And it was time to turn to flaming missiles,

These are the kind that blaze through the air

  With terrifying and eerie whistles.

Jesus then changed His grip on the holy sword

  As if He would stab Death in the heart,

Then He flung the sword like a spiraling spear

  And it gave the devil a start;

When the sword struck the sea, there was a

  Blinding flash and a deafening sonic boom,

For the evil one and his pirate demons

  This could certainly only spell doom;

A supersonic shock wave swiftly fanned out

  Like Saturn’s colorful rings,

It explosively ripped through the devil’s galleons

  By the power of the King of kings;

The devil and his pirate demons were blown right back

  Into their dark, infernal pit,

And because of where they were painfully injured,

  They found it very hard to sit.

Jesus saw that the splintered wood from the

  Galleons was strewn all over the sea,

Troublesome temptation had been driven out

  And Philovanitas was finally free;

Jesus turned around and saw her trembling

  Because she had such a terrible fright,

So He took His bride into His arms

  And then embraced her very, very tight;

Jesus said, “Henceforth you shall be ‘Philothea’

  For now you love God above all,

I shall always love you as a treasure

  And be with you whenever you call”;

Then He tenderly kissed her cheek

  And she felt the softness of His bearded curls,

Never had Philothea felt so special,

  Even more precious than the rarest of pearls.

He pierced her soul with truest love,

  And her heart brimmed with Heavenly light,

Thanks to Christ the Courageous,

  Philothea’s spiritual eyes regained their sight;

With a peaceful smile on His face,

  The Lord wiped away her happy tears,

Her heart was so full of contentment

  And banished were all her fears;

She learned that freedom’s not freedom

  Without love and responsibility,

And avoiding the near occasion of sin

  Involves a lot of spiritual agility;

In the brisk balmy breeze, Jesus’

  Flowing hair so very gently swirled,

He said, “Behold I am with you always,

  Even unto the end of the world.”