A Chronicle of Narnian Baseball / by Joseph Castorino


With the sensual swirl and clustered

  curls of her wild, wicked whirl

Of hair, the wanton white witch

  stood on the mound ready to hurl;

The saucy wench went into a

  windup most sultry and seductive,

Her voluptuous goddess-like physique

  flamed as a volcano eruptive;

She fired a cutlass-like curveball,

  ready to slice into the lion’s soul,

And the ball sang through the air

  like a Siren, quite out of control.


There stood Aslan the Amazing,

  the spectacular baseball star,

He royally dug into the batter’s box,

  ready to hit the ball far;

Then, the Spirit spoke: “If you gaze

  at her fair face, you shall be undone;

Through Truth, unmask her sickly soul,

  and the battle shall be won!”

Clutching his bold, brave bat, he crouched

  like a catapult ready to spring,

Then, as he humbly surrendered to

  the Spirit, he took his first swing.


His bat flashed around like lightning

  and filled the crowd with wonder,

And as the ball hit his bat, there was

  the sound of crackling thunder;

Filled with chastity and purity,

  he crushed a laser-beam home run,

And rounding the bases, he

  gratefully offered thanks to the Son;

When he was in the near occasion

  of sin, Aslan was on his guard,

And that’s why he’s now strolling

  down Championship Boulevard.